


The Dagger

by Tiny_Black_Cat



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Darkfic, Dissociation, F/F, Internal Monologue, Metaphors, POV First Person, Pain, Suicide Attempt, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 03:38:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15654999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiny_Black_Cat/pseuds/Tiny_Black_Cat
Summary: Carmilla tries to kill herself, and it ends horribly.(Set during Season 2).





	The Dagger

**Author's Note:**

> Written 6/8/15. Unfortunately I still like this.

The night promised relief, that was all I knew for sure.

The sunlight hurt like hell, a pain even Laura couldn’t ease. Sometimes she made it worse. I would leave her behind, I knew.

Still, the darkness would give me freedom from the pain.

“Carm?”

Fuck. I slowly stood up and turned around, kicking the dagger under my bed. Laura is beautiful. She still can’t save me. Fuck, don’t cry. Don’t show emotion or you’re a whole other kind of dead.

"I was going to ask you -" she looks at me worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Get your shit together, Carm.

I force what I hope looks like a smile. “Never better.”

She crosses the room and stands intimately close to me. This time, I am scared. “You don’t seem okay. Is something bothering you?”

I try not to stand so rigidly and act natural. “It’s a bit weird sleeping in this house. Or in the daytime for that matter.”

Laura looks at me with love and concern in her eyes. All I want to do is run away.

“It’s daytime now. We could try taking a nap.”

I can’t be here, Laura! "I have to go to - " Fuck. Where do vampires go during the daytime? She looks at me. “ - to find Perry! I need to tell her something, okay cutie?”

Laura grabs my arm and I freeze. “You haven’t acted like this since I was - possessed by your mother. I pushed you away, and you basically tried to - “ She gripped my arm tighter. “Carmilla. You’re not - suicidal?”

“No,” I immediately responded, avoiding her eyes.

“Carm,” she said in a low voice, “please don’t lie to me.”

I tried to speak but my eyes had already betrayed me. Laura reached out and hugged me, burying her head in my shoulder. When the shoulder of my shirt was wet, I realized I wasn’t the only one crying. “We can get through this,” she said, wiping her eyes.

I walked to the bed and retrieved what I had hidden underneath it. She looked back at me, confused.

“Why - PERRY! LAFONTAINE, COME QUICK.” Her voice quavered. I stood to face the door. “Laura, you know I love you.”

The door burst open, LaFontaine running after Perry. They looked at the weapon in my hands before turning to Laura, who said, “Carmilla is trying to kill herself.”

They looked back at me.

“Look,” Perry spoke up. “I know that right now things may seem dark, but nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Just please put the dagger down?”

“Thanks for trying,” I said. I pushed through them and bolted out the door. Foolishly, when I got to the stairs, I tripped and let go of the dagger. It fell down the stairs where I lay dazed halfway down.

My shock let LaFontaine and Perry run past me and retrieve the dagger.

Laura knelt by me. “Oh my God, Carmilla, are you okay?”

I smiled and touched her hair before racing down to tackle Perry, who held the dagger.

She gasped and called out, “LaFontaine!” before tossing the dagger to them. I leapt to them, but they had already tossed the dagger to Laura.

In my haste to grab the dagger I slipped, finally touching it only to fall forward onto her, pushing the dagger into her heart.

And then the world stopped.

This isn’t real! Laura can’t be lying on the steps with a dagger sticking out of her chest!

I blinked - and then I realized it was. I sat up.

She was still breathing. I reached out to touch her, and then realized why she was dying.

“I killed you. Laura, I killed you!”

She looked at me and smiled, sadly.

“Carmilla, I love you. Please try to find a way to love yourself.”

LaFontaine knelt on the other side of her.

“She’s dead.”

They slowly got up and moved to Perry, who hugged them, tears streaming down her face.

I stood there and realized what I had done. She had died to save me when I wanted to die. I still wanted to; now I can’t. I am so tired.

I lay down next to Laura and close my eyes, wondering if I will ever truly sleep.


End file.
